Thursday, April 9, 2009

Love

Love, It is an interesting thing. It can drive us to do so many things in life. And the promise, or premise of it can drive us to do things we never thought to do. Sometimes in love you hurt the person you really care about. You don't mean it. It just happens. For example, Recently I hurt the woman I love.

On my last blog I mentioned how I am returning to the LDS faith. There is a big difference between my girlfriend and I. She was raised in the gospel, as I was in and out of it all of my life. She lives the gospel. Myself, I know I believe it with all of my heart and soul, However, I find it a constant struggle to live it. As I try to change and live the way heavenly father wants me to live, I find that old habits die hard.

In the bible there are mentions of temples. The LDS church has restored those temples on earth today. Every man and woman who strives to live a worthy life like heavenly father commands his children may enter the temple after they are deemed worthy. In the temple, lots of things take place. We make sacred covenants with our heavenly father. Covenants that we strive to keep every day. Temples are literally the house of the lord. We make promises in the temple and receive blessings. The greatest blessing is that we can return to live with god and be with our families forever.

In the temple, We can be sealed with our families forever. In the afterlife, We can actually live with our families. I know I find great comfort in knowing that. Also in the temple, marriages are performed. Let me explain this. A marriage in the temple is also called a sealing. Meaning, You can be sealed to your spouse for time and eternity. Also you can be sealed to your children. In the afterlife, you can know that if you live the life heavenly father wants us to live you can see them in the afterlife.

I have been struggling with this topic for weeks now. The only reason why is because my family, although members of the church have been inactive for several years. This means my family cannot enter the temple to one day see me get married. Beverli and I have been arguing about this. She has tried and tried to help me understand. In all honesty, I have prayed about it and received my answer from the lord. I do understand it. I know the lord commands his children to get sealed in the temple so they can be together for time and eternity.

I was puttiny my needs above Beverli's and heavenly father's. I wanted a civil marriage first.
Because I wanted my family to see me get married. I was being selfish and stubborn. I carried on like this for weeks. I was basically acting like an imature baby. I admit it. Fact is, We all have our free agency, If my family chooses not to live the way heavenly father intended us to live, then Why should I punish the love of my life by demanding nothing less than a temple marriage first?

Last night I gave her an ultimatum. I said civil marriage first or we are over. The fact is, I love Beverli. I do not want to push her away. I know the lord commands us to get married in the temple and that is what I am going to do. Beverli is a remarkable lady. A rare gem. I am glad that after my behavior, the way I have been acting, she has given me another chance. I am going to put heavenly father first in my life, I someday want to return to live with him and Beverli and our children in the celestial kingdom. I feel really bad for what I have done. I just hope that I can make it up to her. I love Beverli with my heart and soul. I want to be worthy of having her and living with her in the celestial kingdom.

Love, it is a very misunderstood word. It is a word that is used for many, many things. But the truth of the word is that if you really love a person, you will do anything you can not to hurt them , and if by chance you do end up hurting them, as I am sad to say we all do at one point or another, then try your hardest to make it up to them. Service, understanding, asking for forgiveness.

1 comment:

beverlibee said...

I would be a fool if I didn't forgive the man that has brought such joy into my life. I love how you can feel your emotions through your writing, made me want to cry.