Thursday, August 22, 2013


     Right now, I guess you can say I have no roots.  I am torn between so many things.  I feel like I don't have time to really settle into things.  I have this feeling that I need to make a lot of decisions, big, important decisions.  However, I am not sure of what the decisions are.  Recently I have felt heavy.  This heaviness doesn't go away.  I have really been trying to remain positive.  If I have a bad day, I tell myself that I need to be optimistic and stop pitying myself.  I have a hard time dealing with those deep down unpleasant feelings.  Lately, these types of feelings are being uncovered and I can't seem to bury them. 
     People have asked me how I am doing.  I always smile and say that I am good.  I am having to learn that it is not ok to be good.  It's ok to have a bad month.  It's ok to tell people that I am not actually ok. 
     This sounds rather silly that I have yet to learn this, doesn't it? 
     Life is still full of good moments.  Those seconds that make you laugh from deep down inside.  Those moments of peace and comfort.  Those simple times of feeling like you can get through anything.  So while life is hard at the moment, it is also very sweet.
     I am glad that hard times are times for learning, crying, and good memories.

Monday, August 5, 2013


     I have been thinking about what to update this blog with for the last few days now, as apparently I missed my update last month.  I want to go over some of the regrets I have been thinking about over the course my life.

1.  Not staying active in the church.  I believe my not staying active in the church did leave to me eventually leaving and not gaining a full testimony of the restored gospel, which also lead me to my next regret:
2.  Not serving a mission.  My wife served a mission and she absolutely loved her mission in Brazil.  I wish I had that type of experience in my life so that I could have helped spread the work of the kingdom on the earth.  Also, a mission is a growing experience which I think is something that I still need in my life right now.  I try to do all I can with my calling as a ward missionary and to support our local missionaries who are serving in our ward.  But still, I think back and wonder what might have been?
3.  Arizona.  I lived in Arizona for a while in 2004, and still consider it one of the best times of my life and  my favorite place to be.  I will not get into full detail about my experience there and how much I screwed up, but I will always look back with fond memories of a wonderful place with some great memories in my heart.
4.  Education.  I regret not starting my education sooner in life.  I have always wanted to be a teacher, hopefully I can make this happen.
5.  Paying attention in school.  I wish I would have paid more attention in school, if I did who knows where I might be today.
6.  Navy.  I regret not going into the Navy after I graduated.  I could have gained a world class experience and school could have been paid for.  I chickened out, and my recruiter never got me my waiver he promised me.  That is another story for another time.
7.  Not being a righteous priesthood holder.  I will not go into full details here, but I have done some things in my life that I am not proud of like everyone has, but I am trying to fix these mistakes.

     These are just some of the regrets I have in my life.  I am sure I can think of plenty more, but I do not want to make a really long blog post.