Sunday, September 2, 2012

Education: Is it worth it?

     Here I sit at the computer early in the morning while my wife lays asleep in bed doing some major thinking in my brain, Education: Is it worth it for myself?  I find myself on the precipice of just giving up over a lack of passing algebra once again.  I am very frustrated at spending my money on this class and not being able to pass it.  Since I must retake algebra again, this will now be my 5th time.    I am asking myself this question, is it worth spending my money on a class that I cannot pass when I have a child on the way?  The answer I keep coming up with is no.  I am literally sick and tired of putting my heart and soul into my dreams, into my education, only to keep getting let down time after time.

     I am honestly tired of being told to "keep trying", or to "never give up."  Lets be realistic here, everyone is good at something, algebra is one of my weaknesses.  Since a weakness stands in my way, I see no way of overcoming the weakness.  I put my heart and soul , mind and spirit, along with lots of prayer into passing this course this time only to once again come up short. 

     As I sit here and type this I wonder if God is even there for me, or if he even heard my prayers?  I feel my life is currently at the crossroads and I do not know which way to look for direction.  Do I want to keep going and try to achieve something that is unattainable?  Or, do I want to stop and be realistic and stray from the path of education and just work at a job and bring home a decent wage for my family?  The fact is, I do not know what to do.  Everytime I honestly put my heart and soul into something, everytime I feel that I have the confidence that I can achieve something in life, the door is constantly slammed shut in my face.  Well I am tired of having the door slammed in my face.  Maybe it is time to take the door off the hinges and throw it away and be realistic with my future.