Sunday, September 2, 2012
Here I sit at the computer early in the morning while my wife lays asleep in bed doing some major thinking in my brain, Education: Is it worth it for myself? I find myself on the precipice of just giving up over a lack of passing algebra once again. I am very frustrated at spending my money on this class and not being able to pass it. Since I must retake algebra again, this will now be my 5th time. I am asking myself this question, is it worth spending my money on a class that I cannot pass when I have a child on the way? The answer I keep coming up with is no. I am literally sick and tired of putting my heart and soul into my dreams, into my education, only to keep getting let down time after time.
I am honestly tired of being told to "keep trying", or to "never give up." Lets be realistic here, everyone is good at something, algebra is one of my weaknesses. Since a weakness stands in my way, I see no way of overcoming the weakness. I put my heart and soul , mind and spirit, along with lots of prayer into passing this course this time only to once again come up short.
As I sit here and type this I wonder if God is even there for me, or if he even heard my prayers? I feel my life is currently at the crossroads and I do not know which way to look for direction. Do I want to keep going and try to achieve something that is unattainable? Or, do I want to stop and be realistic and stray from the path of education and just work at a job and bring home a decent wage for my family? The fact is, I do not know what to do. Everytime I honestly put my heart and soul into something, everytime I feel that I have the confidence that I can achieve something in life, the door is constantly slammed shut in my face. Well I am tired of having the door slammed in my face. Maybe it is time to take the door off the hinges and throw it away and be realistic with my future.