Monday, April 13, 2009


Many people have regrets in life. Regrets are something we just have to live with. Some we cannot change, some we can. Since my return to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints one my biggest regrets is not being able to go on a mission. To serve the lord and spread his word to those who seek it is something that I really have a desire to do. Since I was active and inactive throughout my life in the church I never got the chance to serve a mission. To fully devote 2 years of my life serving the lord and spreading his word is something I now have a desire to do. Of course, there are senior missionaries. When a husband and wife retire, they are able to go on a couple's mission. This is something that I really want to do with my future wife. My wife and I spreading the word of our heavenly father to those who seek it or need the lord in their life is something I really want to do. Just knowing that I have changed someone's life for the better makes me proud. The church has a saying, "Every member a missionary." I know that I do not have to actually be on a mission to spread the lord's word. I can spread the word of our heavenly father to those who seek it. That is something that I look forward to.

Thursday, April 9, 2009


Love, It is an interesting thing. It can drive us to do so many things in life. And the promise, or premise of it can drive us to do things we never thought to do. Sometimes in love you hurt the person you really care about. You don't mean it. It just happens. For example, Recently I hurt the woman I love.

On my last blog I mentioned how I am returning to the LDS faith. There is a big difference between my girlfriend and I. She was raised in the gospel, as I was in and out of it all of my life. She lives the gospel. Myself, I know I believe it with all of my heart and soul, However, I find it a constant struggle to live it. As I try to change and live the way heavenly father wants me to live, I find that old habits die hard.

In the bible there are mentions of temples. The LDS church has restored those temples on earth today. Every man and woman who strives to live a worthy life like heavenly father commands his children may enter the temple after they are deemed worthy. In the temple, lots of things take place. We make sacred covenants with our heavenly father. Covenants that we strive to keep every day. Temples are literally the house of the lord. We make promises in the temple and receive blessings. The greatest blessing is that we can return to live with god and be with our families forever.

In the temple, We can be sealed with our families forever. In the afterlife, We can actually live with our families. I know I find great comfort in knowing that. Also in the temple, marriages are performed. Let me explain this. A marriage in the temple is also called a sealing. Meaning, You can be sealed to your spouse for time and eternity. Also you can be sealed to your children. In the afterlife, you can know that if you live the life heavenly father wants us to live you can see them in the afterlife.

I have been struggling with this topic for weeks now. The only reason why is because my family, although members of the church have been inactive for several years. This means my family cannot enter the temple to one day see me get married. Beverli and I have been arguing about this. She has tried and tried to help me understand. In all honesty, I have prayed about it and received my answer from the lord. I do understand it. I know the lord commands his children to get sealed in the temple so they can be together for time and eternity.

I was puttiny my needs above Beverli's and heavenly father's. I wanted a civil marriage first.
Because I wanted my family to see me get married. I was being selfish and stubborn. I carried on like this for weeks. I was basically acting like an imature baby. I admit it. Fact is, We all have our free agency, If my family chooses not to live the way heavenly father intended us to live, then Why should I punish the love of my life by demanding nothing less than a temple marriage first?

Last night I gave her an ultimatum. I said civil marriage first or we are over. The fact is, I love Beverli. I do not want to push her away. I know the lord commands us to get married in the temple and that is what I am going to do. Beverli is a remarkable lady. A rare gem. I am glad that after my behavior, the way I have been acting, she has given me another chance. I am going to put heavenly father first in my life, I someday want to return to live with him and Beverli and our children in the celestial kingdom. I feel really bad for what I have done. I just hope that I can make it up to her. I love Beverli with my heart and soul. I want to be worthy of having her and living with her in the celestial kingdom.

Love, it is a very misunderstood word. It is a word that is used for many, many things. But the truth of the word is that if you really love a person, you will do anything you can not to hurt them , and if by chance you do end up hurting them, as I am sad to say we all do at one point or another, then try your hardest to make it up to them. Service, understanding, asking for forgiveness.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009


I am always skeptical about making changes in my life, usually because I am afraid of the outcome or because I'm too comfortable to make changes. I don't want to be afraid. I try to make an effort slowly to make changes in my life. However, Changes bring opportunities and challenges that will make us better if we really make an effort to make positive changes in our lives.

My life will be flooded with changes starting this summer. First and most importantly, I have met the most wonderful girl in the universe. We met through the dating website. She lives in Alaska. I have fallen hard for her. She has helped me in so many ways. She gives me strength, motivation and hope that the future will be better. For those of you wondering her name, it is Beverli. I am going up to visit her this summer and if that works out, Well change number 1 in my life, is in September when she comes down here to visit me and meet my family, when she returns to Alaska, I will be going with her.

I have been told by many people that I should not make this move. This isn't a move that I have rushed into. I have carefully weighed the pros and cons of this move, and I also prayed to my heavenly father if this is the correct move for me. I feel he answered that prayer by telling me yes. Many people have told me look at what I am giving up, and look at what I will be losing. I also look at what I will be losing if I do not make this move. I will be losing out on potentially the greatest person to have come into my life in a long time. Besides, my friends, my family and the job I have now will always be here. You ask what will I be gaining? That question is easy...Beverli. That answer right there is reason enough for me to give everything up that I have here and go up to Alaska and be with her. Love makes you do crazy things, Love is making me pack up my life in Pennsylvania and move to Alaska to be with somebody. To me, It is all worth it. For those of you who doubt love on the internet, just try it. What do you have to lose?

Of course with these changes comes leaving behind old friends, and meeting entirely new people. I am going going to ever forget about my current friends(Ellen, Brian,Pam, my 3 best friends). I look forward to the challenges and excitement of meeting new people and making new friends. Also, comes meeting my girlfriend's family. I look forward to meeting them all, hoping that they will like me. No matter how much Beverli assures me that they will like me, I am still utterly nervous. That just comes with the territory. I know that once I get to know them, and they get to know me, in due time we will all become friends.

One more change in my life, another pretty big change is my faith in heavenly father. When I was growing up I went to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Better known as the mormon church. I was baptized into the church at age 9. I was active and inactive in the church for many years. I felt I never really had a true testimony of the church, Joseph Smith and our heavenly father, and The Book of Mormon. Recently in my life I was really questioning the church and it's place in my life. My friend Brian introduced me to a great christian church that I attended frequently. I loved going to that church. I did not want to miss a single sermon. However, something inside my head kept telling me that this was not where I was suppose to be.

Something kept drawing me back to the Mormon church. I could not figure it out. So, once again I began a quest to figure this out once and for all. I began meeting with the LDS missionaries more frequently. I enjoyed my time talking to them and them helping me figure this out. However, there was only 1 way for me to figure this out all on my own and that was to get down on my hands and knees and pray to heavenly father. I did that for weeks, to no answer. I wanted to give up, alot of times. I was very frustrated. However, one of the things I have come to understand is that heavenly father answers prayers when he feels you are ready, not when you want the answer. Finally, one night I humbled myself and knelt down and started praying again to heavenly father. I asked heavenly father if Joseph Smith was a true prophet, if the Book of Mormon is true and if The LDS church is his church of the restored gospel. I actually began to cry as I asked him. Finally, I felt a sense of peace and tranquility come over me. It was like a tidal wave washing over me and letting me know that all of this is true. The LDS church is the church of the restored gospel, Joseph Smith was a prophet, we have a prophet on the earth today in Thomas Monson and The Book of Mormon is true. I know longer doubt any of those things. I know for a fact that they are all true. All you have to do is ask heavenly father and he will answer if you are sincere enough and humble yourself to him.

I know I gave up alot when I left the church. One thing I do know, I am on the right path in life. I do not doubt that for one single second. The moment I stepped through those church doors again for the first time in a long time it was like coming home again. I love this church, I love the restored gospel. I am willing to do whatever it takes, however long it takes to come back to full membership once again. I know someday if I live the gospel I will return home to live with heavenly father. What other place would anyone want to be?